Courts Reopen Tomorrow

Well, tomorrow is the BIG day....again. I don't think I have as much anxiety about courts opening as I did last week. Of course, I'm curious to hear how they are going to handle our case: will they have to undo the first adoption and rehear our case, or is it as simple as just redoing the adoption contract with the correct last name on it. I would think it would be the latter, but since this has never occurred, no one has any idea how the courts will handle it.

Obviously, we are hoping it will be a quick turn-around with little or no delay in obtaining another court date, if required. I'm trying not to get my hopes up that we will hear something by the end of the week, but I know the week will pass slowly because we are just................waiting..................

I also posted a few more pictures of the nursery. I was hoping to get a better one of the curtains, but the light in that room is tricky and I couldn't find the "good camera."

While perusing through the camera card, travelling down memory lane, I stumbled across the pictures of Squeeker and Gramma before she died. The pictures are 2 years old, but still felt it was worth posting. She's gone on to a better place, but not forgotten. Some days I am just overwhelmed with sadness that she isn't here to share in this new chapter of our life. In some ways I'm relieved because I think she'd think we are crazy adopting at our age! But, we are young forty-something year olds!!! I just hope she's up there smiling at us, and maybe, just maybe, a little proud of the woman I've turned out to be!

Accident or Divine Appointment????

Today I had my annual OB/GYN appointment. The past few years, I've decided to see another doctor in the practice because my doctor wasn't coming up to the satellite office anymore because she was cutting her hours back to concentrate on being a mom. For some reason, I scheduled the appointment in Charlotte to see my old doctor. I wanted to tell her about the adoption of Pickles. I showed her the picture of Pickles and she immediately asked me where in Africa, and then asked if it was Ethiopia? I said YES, how do you know??? She spent 2 months in Addis, Ethiopia prior to coming to the practice she's at now and commented that Ethiopians have very distince facial features!!!! Accident or Divine????

Then she tells me there is a movie in Charlotte next Tuesday about Ethiopia. I hope we can manage to squeeze that into our schedule. Charlotte is an hour away, then of course, the hour ride home. Accident or Divine?

So, I'm leaving the doctor's appointment pretty pumped up; the first time in a few days that I've felt optimistic that we'll actually make it to Ethiopia!!! Low and behold, I get to the parking deck attendant and guess who is working there??? A young Ethiopian woman!!! I almost jumped out of the car with excitement!!! She told me there is an Ethiopian church in Charlotte and we'd more than welcome us visiting!!! Accident or divine?

Many years ago I would have said all of these were coincidences, but I know better now. God had divine appointments for us all of the time. On the day I needed it most, I had TWO!!!! God is good!

Another Twist in the Adoption Journey

I just knew something wasn't right last night. My mother's intuition had kicked in big time last night. Confirmation came earlier today when I got the call from Mary at Gladney. Bad news, bad news, and then some more bad news (sounds pretty gloomy today, doesn't it???).

First, in typical Ethiopian fashion, the courts extended their annual closure for another week and will not reopen until Monday, October 1st. That in itself would have been enough to swallow.

The really bad news: Pickles is suffering from pneumonia, bordering on being serious, along with a bacteria skin infection on the back of her neck and bottom. Deep breath, Robin!!! Motherly instinct is to jump on a plane and hold her until she's better. Reality is something entirely different. Now, more than ever, I need to rely on God, knowing his plan is perfect and that he's got this under control. Truthfully, I'm falling apart today, on the verge of tears. Any moment now they will come and I will not be able to control them.

Please, pray for Pickles and our family today.

It's 11:30 PM ...Do You Know Where Your Children Are?

Well, it's dark, the house is quiet, even David is asleep. Tomorrow is the BIG day: the courts in Ethiopia reopen and I have to report to Jury Duty at 9:00 am!!! Isn't that just ironic? Or God's sense of humor??? My mom always said God had a sense of humor!!! Will Jury Duty distract me from wondering when we'll hear from Gladney about our paperwork????? The one good thing about Jury Duty is I have to turn my cell phone off, so I won't be waiting and watching for it to ring all day. If by some chance, Mary from Gladney calls, I won't know until I'm dismissed for the day.

Anxiety is the word of the moment. I've been trying to calm myself down enough to sleep, but I've been up reading "the blogs." What was I thinking??? I love reading the blogs to find out what's the latest goings on with families in all stages of adoption. The wealth of information is amazing!!!! But.......then I start to question "why were we delayed" again and the anxiety creeps in before I even know what hit me. Will they re-hear our case tomorrow? Or will it take 3 weeks to get ANOTHER court date? Will I get called to be a juror? A million thoughts are running through my mind. I just need to give it to God and leave it there......

In the midst of waiting for tomorrow, some awesome things have happened this past week. I finished (FINALLY) the nursery!!! I'm really pleased with how it came out: girly, but not to girly!!! I'll post more pictures later this week. And yesterday, our wonderful church gave us a baby shower!!! "Overwhelmed" does not even begin to describe the outpouring of support from our church family. WOW!!!!! For those church members out there reading this, a BIG THANK YOU --- we really love you!!!!

I don't have much to say, so I'm going to sign off for tonight. Pray for us tomorrow and this week as we anxiously wait to hear about when we can travel to bring Pickles home.

NEW PICTURE!

Wow, oh wow!!!! We just love the newest picture of Pickles. My heart was just overflowing with love when I opened this up this morning!!! Courts open one week from tomorrow. Hopefully, we'll know something by the first of October!

Latest Update on Travel and Other Things

I spoke to Mary T. at Gladney the other day. The courts are scheduled to open on September 25th, but we don't expect to hear back from them until the first week of October. All of the agencies will be bombarding the courts with cases to be heard and it will take them awhile to work through it all and schedule court dates. Typically, it takes approximately 3 weeks to receive a court date. Mary T. told me that we were a priority for Gladney and they are going to do everything they can to get our case through courts since we were already approved to adopt Pickles in August, but the name on our paperwork was just wrong. Gladney still feels we will be travelling in October to bring Pickles home.

During this time of waiting, which we all know I'm not very good at, a lot has happened to solidify to me that God is truly sovereign. I think in my heart I was ready to travel in August, but in my mind I wasn't. Ok, what exactly does that mean? Well, I've been reflecting about what it was like when Squeeker was an infant. The only word that kept coming back to me was: STRESSFUL! My marriage to my ex-husband was falling apart, we were having financial problems that were overwhelming, and I had to go back to work 10 weeks after he was born. I still wanted to work because, honestly, I didn't know how to be a mom. Some of us dream our entire likes for the moment when we become a mom. I wasn't one of those girls. I used to say when God created me, he skipped over me when he was giving out the "biological clock." Until......I was almost 35 and then it went off like a time bomb.

Honestly, I didn't know what to do with a baby, I didn't know how to act, and how to fill up the days with baby stuff. The moment Squeeker was born, I fell instantly in love with him, but my comfort level did not increase overnight. It took time, and frankly, some tangible moments of success as a mom to justify that I was a good mom. Being a good mom to me was more important than anything else. I didn't want to repeat the pattern of how I grew up, and how my parents grew up.

I've always worked, since I was 12, starting with babysitting, and then my first full-time job the day after I graduated from high school. I didn't know how to "not work!" Gradually, over time of working part-time the past few years, and being a mom the rest of the time, I realized that I really liked being a mom. My goodness, this is what I am suppose to be. All those years of trying to figure out what I'm am suppose to do when I grew up and to finally realize that it is to be a mom. I almost said "just a mom," but I've stopped saying that because I've lived it now for almost 8 years and it is the hardest job in the world. The most rewarding, but also the hardest.

So, what happened to change my mind the past few weeks? I've walked around the house, past the portable crib in the dining room, knowing I had to get the baby's room ready (still not ready!), upset because she should have been home now. Gradually, God was changing me from the inside out. My heart was ready - I fell instantly in love with Pickles the minute I saw her picture. But my mind wasn't until I found myself trying to arrange my 2 - half day work days around another mom's work schedule so that we could have play dates. You know, the stuff ALL stay at home moms do, but I never did, until now. We are waiting (and waiting since 8:00am this morning) for Time Warner to install road runner so that I can work from home an hour or so a day so that I don't have to try and bring her to the office with me (what a nightmare that would be). As much as I love working at our company, I love being a mom more. And when I finally realized that I was ready for Pickles to come home, I could let go of the frustration and the impatience of why did the paperwork glitch happen.

I can't really explain it. I feel like I should have felt this way when Squeeker was born. But God knows I did the best I could with Squeeker when he was an infant and honestly, I wasn't ready then, as I am know, to be truly be a stay at home mom. The greatest joy I've had in this realization is that I do not have any guilt about the choices I had to make when Squeeker was little. As I become a better parent, we all benefit from it.

Almost forgot, I decided yesterday to "do cloth diapers" with Pickles too, just like I did with Squeeker! I didn't see them as a burden with Squeekr, I see it as a gift I can give my children. It's a gift of time, a gift of commitment, and that little extra time it takes to change a diaper is just a little more face to face to time to talk, play and giggle with our new little girl, who is truly a Gift from God.

NEW PICTURES!

We just received these new pictures of Pickles. Ethiopia is right in the middle of their big Millenium Celebration, so communication has been slow. We hope to hear soon about how much weight she has gained and her development changes!!!!

I sure hope all those new clothes we bought her will fit!!!! She looks likes she's getting chunky!!!!!

Another "God Moment"

If my faith wasn't so strong, I think I would be a bit concerned about the number of "God moments" I've had lately. Initially, when we heard the final news that we had to wait until the courts reopen in September to "redo" the adoption contract for Pickles, we were so disappointed. I don't think "disappointed" even captures the feelings we felt. We bought everything we needed for the trip, including all of our humanitarian supplies, and a ton of baby stuff. We were like two kids in a candy store on a sugar high!!! The portable crib was set up and decorated in the dining room in anticipation of her homecoming on August 31st.

Weeks have gone by since those moments, as I've walked by the crib, seeing the clothes that may not fit her when we hopefully go in October to bring her home, the suitcases, packed with the humanitarian aid, are cluttering up my dining room, (For those of you that know me well, I don't like clutter!!), only made my heart break more for moments I believed we were missing out on. Delays, why GOD? Why were we delayed? My heart poured out to God in continuous prayer throughout the days and nights. My heart was breaking, tears fell from my eyes as I tried to go to sleep at night begging God for answers. As a Christian, I know that all good works for those who love God, and of course: "all in God's timing" or better, "God's timing is perfect." You see, God's hand has been on this adoption from the beginning. Actually, God's hand has been working in me for years, preparing me for these moments! So, why I asked God, why NOW? We are so close. To see Pickles beautiful smiling face knowing she was only a few short weeks away from coming home, to then have the rug pulled out from us. I agonized over the "whys." I had a myriad of emotions: I was sad, I was angry, I tried to understand (notice the word "tried") the delays, but in reality my heart was breaking for the little girl that my arms were yearning to hold.

And then, God started working, showing me little by little why the time was not right. And why I was needed right here for a few short weeks to minister to another Christian woman in a marriage crisis, to be there for Momma J and Poppa Dave when they had to make the decision to have their 14 year old Boston named Wuzzie put to sleep, and yesterday, in church, when one of our Ministry leaders made an announcement in church about an important ministry restarting after a summer hiatus. As I sat in my pew yesterday listening to him talk about this ministry, my heart started beating uncontrollably; it felt like my heart was beating outside my chest. I tried negotiating with God: "Please God, don't make me go up there and talk. You know how much I fear talking in front of people. Please God, I don't like to be vulnerable." My heart continued to beat faster and faster. Reluctantly, I got up and walked up to the podium with the Ministry Leader, and briefly told the entire church how this ministry helped me work through the pain of my childhood through the love and acceptance by the leadership team and by writing and delivering my testimony. The healing that came through that process was amazing. I urged any of them that felt that same prompting to take a step out on faith. To be honest, I'm not sure what else I said because it was not my words that came out of my mouth yesterday, they were God's.

Little by little, God is showing me that an eight week delay is really just a spec in the big picture, in His plan. It's still not easy, but I'm placing my faith in Him, that truly, all things work for the good of those that love God.

Therefore Do Not Worry About Tomorrow

"Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worring can add a single hour to his life?"

Matthew 6:26-27 NIV

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself." Matthew 7:34a NIV

In preparation of getting the baby's room ready, we had to do a little reorganzing in our home!! The "office" is now the baby's room and I had to move my computer down to the "sunroom." I don't know what I was originally thinking when I put the computer upstairs!!! I've been sitting in the sunroom this morning with the screen door open (we finally go some relief from the 100+ degree heat). I put fresh water in the bird bath early this morning and I saw two doves fly by the window. I looked and both of them are bathing themselves in the bird bath!!! It brought me back to this bible verse about birds and worry. How often I've gone back to these verses when I'm stressed and worried about something. This morning, I felt God show me how carefree I could be if I would just cast all my worries on Him.

A Gift from a Stranger

In church a few weeks ago, David and I sat in the back pew (a very long story -- we LOVE you Poppa Dave and Mommy J, our back pew buddies), Momma J and Poppa Dave and the other "back pew faithfuls" were not there that week. We sat next to a wonderful young mom with a very well behaved two year old. She and her husband are currently home on a 10 month sabbatical from their missionary work in Cambodia. That is truly a calling -- the training they have undergone to learn a specific dialect is quite arduous.

Anyway, in a brief conversation, I showed her the latest picture of Pickles, and went on to explain that our trip to Africa had been delayed because of a paperwork error and how much of an emotional roller coaster we'd been on for a few weeks. Half-way through service, she leans over and hands me a note on a piece of the church bulletin she used to write it on. This is what she wrote:

"Isn't it wonderful to know our Father cares for Pickles in this way. :-)" Then quoted the following bible verse:

"Like a shepherd He will tend His flock,

In His arm He will gather the lambs

and carry them in His bosom;

He will gently lead the nursing ewes."

Isiah 40:11

I sat there a little stunned, because honestly, I really don't know this young lady except in passing. I admire her greatly for her dedication to her husband, her child, and God's calling in her life to be a missionary in Cambodia. For her to reach out to me in such a tender way, was a little overwhelming. But what I recognized in her was a Christ-like manner to serve others. Quietly, softly, that moment in the back pew showed me more about how to be Christ-like than anything I've ever experienced in my life.

I've asked myself so many times over the years how can God allow such bad things to happen. A few years ago I came to the realization that God uses our trials to strengthen us, produce perserverance, character and hope. And in turn, when we come out of our trials, God uses those experiences to minister to others. "Blessed is the man who perserveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, we he will receive the crown of life God has promised to those whose love him." James 1:12 NIV. I don't know what trials this young woman has been through, but I saw a quiet and humble compassion in her that day. Her compassion might have been the direct result of some trial she experienced or she may just have the gift of mercy, whatever it may be, that moment was a divine intervention by God. Only God could have arranged such a beautiful moment.